Photo © Al Forbes
It destroyed the Tvoga, but not before they named it: Zhabenik, their word for horror. Then it came for us.
Nobody knew what it was. A magical experiment gone awry. A once-man, warped by evil. The moon-worshipers believed it was the prophesized Vast, frozen for eons, reawakened to end the world.
Rumors bounced off each other, eager for definitions. It was spider-like, lizard-like, ogre-like. It was impervious to everything: blade, fire, lightning, ice. Everyone agreed it was faster than thought. Nobody who paused to look survived to describe it.
We armed, quaking against the inevitable.
When I first saw the Zhabenik, it seemed small, solitary. Then it tore in, flitting from target to target, skipping the spaces between.
The moon-worshipers crooned for their savior-killer, a high-pitched wail.
The Zhabenik stopped. I saw it clearly then. I won’t describe it.
Such a human gesture: “hands” covering “ears.”
Soldiers attacked in vain; it could still defend.
I added my voice to the wail, building in unison.
It shook, struggled, shimmered, and… disappeared. The wail became stunned silence, then cheers.
Celebrations spread across the land. Me, I cannot rest easy. I saw. It didn’t die. It left. And what leaves may someday return.
Word count: 200. Written for this week’s Sunday Photo Fiction challenge. Big thanks to our host Alistair Forbes for the inspiration. Just like that, I have a new monster for my world, and a new legend! Click here to read the other stories, or submit your own.
The first draft was over 300 words (I think; I saved over it). Permit me the indulgence of sharing my favorite cut passage:
Still, how could a single creature kill an entire battalion?
One by one, they said.
Very good and very chilling. I love that ominous last sentence as well as the passage that you cut. 🙂
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Thanks Sammi — chilling doesn’t come so naturally to me, so I’m glad to hear it worked! I liked the cut line too (which is why I snuck it back in like that), although I think the first line is my favorite. Of course, now I should really think through the rest of the story on this, to get my religious legends and history/time line straight.
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I like this. The image is truly horrible, and you build up an ominous story that leaves me looking over my shoulder…
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I tried finding another monster image, but I couldn’t find one as scary looking. The Predator from the movie is bad enough, but I think my Zhabenik is actually more deadly. Not that I’d want to see either of them in a dark alley — or anywhere, for that matter!
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Not my idea of the ideal dinner party guest either 🙂
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Definitely not! Although if I happened to be dining near those people mentioned in your recent post, I might consider inviting one of these monsters along to teach them a little respect… 😉
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They won…for now.
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It does seem a bit questionable how long this victory might last. I hope there aren’t more of those where that one came from… Thanks for reading, James!
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Nicely told story, thank heavens for the wail
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Thanks Mike! Yes, they were lucky they accidentally hit upon the one attack that hadn’t been tried before. Of course, that’s why you’re hearing this group’s story, and not the story of the last few towns — because nobody survived to tell those.
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Scary stuff. Always waiting for it to return.
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It would be, I agree! Thanks for reading, Sascha.
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And i was perennially looking over my shoulder. Scary stuff. Very well written, Joy.
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Exactly — I’d imagine a lot of people who survived that, or even just heard about it, would develop a nervous condition, never feeling safe again. Glad you liked it – thanks for reading, Neel!
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Terrific. I love this.
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What high praise, thank you!
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Ooh, chilling tale, Joy. I love how it’s described, how it seems to be many things to different people and though it’s so fearsome, how it runs at the sound of singing! Nicely done Joy 🙂
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Thanks Lynn! I was thinking about how rumors get disjointed and confusing like that, especially when it moves almost too fast to see, and people who do see it are mostly trying to survive. My thought was that it’s not the singing, per se, but that they happened to find a particular pitch that acted like a sonic attack to this creature’s ears. Like we would react to the sound of fingernails on chalkboard, but much worse. Let’s just hope that if it returns, the next group can reproduce that same sound!
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Some serious vocal training is required! You can see this scene leading to a whole new caste of people, revered singers whose responsibility it is to protect the community. Great tale
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Hm, interesting idea, I might have to steal that one!
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Ooh, I would be most flattered if you did! 🙂
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I’ve copied it into the entry for Zhabenik in my story ideas document. 😉
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Ooh, good 🙂
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Ooh, what a terrifying creature. The notion it was “skipping the spaces between” makes it even worse. I loved your descriptions of it. The chilling thought that it isn’t really dead is…well…chilling! Great story, Joy!
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Yeah, the bit about skipping the spaces between is my favorite: it makes it especially deadly! It does seem pretty terrifying, doesn’t it? Now I need to figure out why, if it’s so powerful, it hasn’t destroyed my world. Hm. Thanks for reading, Eric!
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My pleasure. I’m wondering if the Zhabenik has a certain life-cycle, so maybe it only emerges periodically, like a 17-year locust. Or maybe it’s sensitive to a certain kind of stone or plant. So it can’t venture everywhere. Lots of possibilities there.
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Mm, good ideas; now you’ve got me thinking. Having a “life cycle” sounds like there’s a whole species of them, in which case, the planet’s in serious trouble No, I was thinking this one is alone, maybe the result of the magical version of a mad scientist experiment, or perhaps shifted here from another plane or planet (yes, I also have *aliens* in my universe, ooo!). In the first case, maybe he was built overpowered and uses the shadow-shifting so much that he burns himself out, either giving himself a heart attack or just losing his magical ability long enough for someone to do him in. In the second case, maybe some atmospheric thing is slightly differently on his plane, and doing the same thing here that’s fine back home is slowly killing him. Aw gee, now I’m starting to feel sorry for him!
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Nice BLOG!!! ADD my blog too!!! Kisses ❤ ❤ ❤
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Thanks for stopping by!
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Only one word does credit to this. Excellent.
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Wow, thanks Crispina, that’s quite a compliment!
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I am humbled that you should think so. 🙂
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Simply brilliant Joy. More…!
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Thanks Keith! And there’s always more Eneana… Whether there will be more Zhabenik, I don’t know yet.
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Not a creature I’d like to meet! A very chilling tale for dark, winter nights! I like the way you describe the creature through the various rumours, and the ending is excellent.
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Thanks Millie! This one seems to have had the impact I was trying for, that always feels satisfying.
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Uh, oh. That can’t be good. Everyone should be taught that chant. Of course, the monster may become immune to it. You never know. Good writing, Joy. —- Suzanne
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I would be worried about that too, that the monster might find a way around this weakness. Let’s hope not! Thanks for reading, Suzanne!
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All it needs is a pair of ear muffs and it will have no problems. Good story of a terrifying creature.
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You’re right, Al — if it can find a way not to hear, it’s safe from this particular threat. Although being deaf would cause new problems for it, and it did try covering its ears with its hands and that didn’t work, so maybe there’s hope. Thanks for reading!
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Excellent!
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Thank you!
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It very well may. Nice story.
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Let’s hope for their sake that it doesn’t return. Although hm, that would make a better story, if it did.. Thanks for reading!
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It could even make an interesting sequel… 😉
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It has occurred to me… 🙂
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