Photo credit: Insights Unspoken
This dark-browed shutter does its dole too nice
As oft I shielded from admiring eyes
The spiteful sun scorns every notch and slice
To foul-forbid me its much paler prize
How quick the step from tip to barrow be
All undeserved strife and cruel terms
My cousin leapt the gap so prettily
Now he eats open air while I taste worms
His plan is built of feeble flower prose
More apt to lure a milkweed maid to bed
He dares to hold me here, though nature knows
My blood cannot be jailed like villains’ bred
Those who screamed and stormed, I’ll teach full fear
Growl and rear these talons to their task
What sniv’ling saps to not see utter clear
My majesty doth shine through any mask
Escape I could into yon wilderness
And yet, such claws are weak at catching prey
These jagged teeth not trained in rending flesh
A savage growl does not a hunter make
A pampered prison’s closer to my need
Shall I then favor cousin kind with trust
Yes, let him hark to his heroic deed
But open these bale bars to light, I must
Word count: 190. This was originally inspired by this week’s Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers prompt, so even though it’s horribly late and a little over the word count, I’ll give Priceless Joy big thanks! See the original photo prompt below, and click here to see the other stories.
Yes, this is part of that “bards play” I am writing in bits and pieces. This happens in the first act, when our protagonist has been turned into a monster, then rescued and hidden away by her far-cousin (who loves her). This early on she clearly (I hope!) has not learned her lesson yet and is still very much a self-centered diva. By opening the shutters at the end of this speech, the villagers see her, ruining his plan to protect her by pretending “the monster” is dead. See another of her speeches, this one from the last act, here: To Save a Monster.
Photo © TJ Paris
Wonderful poem! Very powerful!
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Thank you, PJ, so glad you enjoyed it!
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The sense of rage is so palpable. I can almost hear him clawing at the walls.
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Yes indeed, so glad that came across. Although your comment makes me realize I didn’t describe the speaker, who is a female taenassar (child of the ruler and heir to the throne) who was quite pretty before she was cursed into taking the form of a hideous monster.
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Ah, that makes sense. I do sense a certain masculine and aristocratic air in her internal dialogue. Was that attributable to upbringing as child and future heir?
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If you live in a patriarchal culture, it’s natural to see power and confidence and aristocratic manner as being masculine. But this particular culture is resolutely gender neutral, so they would find the idea of her being masculine to be meaningless. That said, this character does think more highly and more haughtily about her noble birth than many of her peers.
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Wow! Bowled over by your poetry, Joy. Again, you’ve demonstrated how thoroughly you’re acquainted with Eneana – and how much poetry you must have studied to make yours so good! This is astonishing to me, as I’ve had a go before and failed miserably. Wonderful stuff
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Thanks so much, Lynn! I’ve never really studied metered verse like this, that I remember at least — I haven’t written much poetry since college and that was mostly free verse. But I find this very similar to song writing, where I enjoy playing around with words to get just the right rhythm and rhyme and alliteration. And of course, mostly inspired by my annual summer Shakespeare gorging. 🙂
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Genuinely, I was very impressed. It seemed to flow very well, had the right feel and tempo. A lovely rhythm with it 🙂
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I really appreciate you saying that. I won’t lie — this took substantially more time and effort than my usual flash fiction. So it’s even more gratifying to hear it worked well.
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I’m not surprised it took a lot of time. It’s a tough trick to pull off, writing a poem that scans, makes sense and fits into your story too. And you made it flow really smoothly, too – none of the rhyme sounded forced or awkward. Quite a thing, Joy 🙂
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So glad you think so! I read it aloud many times, trying to act it out.
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It read very smooth, Joy. A lovely piece of poetry 🙂
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Ooh this is amazing Joy!! It flows so smoothly and was superbly well-written. 😀
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Thanks Jade — so glad you enjoyed it!
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A very well written poem, Joy, with beautiful language and a great rhythm. You’ve created a scene full of powerful images and emotions. Her rage is palpable.You obviously have a flair for poetry.
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Thank you, Millie! The discipline and order of the rhythm and rhyme really do appeal to me, and I enjoy the challenge of making it sound just archaic enough while still making sense. Problem is, it takes substantially more time, which is something I suddenly have very little of.
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