Photo © Eric Fletcher via Google Maps
I journeyed halfway around the world to escape from under your legacy. Yet everywhere I turn, I see your echoes.
The river floods the banks with aid until they drown, then withdraws its support for months. Trees stretch their roots deeper into the shifting sands, but even the strongest topple with the next assault.
Across the flat plains the harsh sun judges from daybreak to sunset, bearing down relentlessly no matter where I try to hide. At night the blinding white god abandons its prey, and we freeze.
There are no average enemies here. Only giant monstrosities against which no mundane arts will prevail, and an endless army of chittering and slithering vermin who can kill you even faster.
Still, I have hope that I can conquer this land, meet its challenges in a way I never could yours.
Convince it that I am worthy of being called its son.
Word count: 150. Written for this week’s What Pegman Saw challenge. Big thanks to Karen and Josh for hosting it! This week Pegman takes us to Loxton Australia, which features some fierce and beautiful scenery. Click on the link to see the images other writers chose, and read the stories that were inspired by them. And feel free to join in: everyone is welcome!
Tales from Eneana 
That phrase, *an endless army of chittering and slithering vermin* really does it for me. Something… really earthy about these 150 words. Yes, he/she/ze is worthy of being called its son.
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Thanks Crispina, I like that it came across as earthy! And that was one of my favorite lines too. I was trying to get across the idea that sometimes the tiniest things can be the scariest — you can’t always see them coming, and in some cases don’t even know you’ve been bitten until it’s too late.
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Yea, I thnk we can all think of viruses that answer to that
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I was thinking ticks but yes, that too!
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Short story to consider along those lines: “Leiningen Versus the Ants” (1937-38) by Carl Stephenson.
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Brian — Just read the synopsis and that was enough to give me the shivers!
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I feel the story is very beautifully and skillfully crafted! 💞😃
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Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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What a beautiful description! 😀
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Thank you, I really appreciate that!
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I love the language in this. The line about “no average enemies” is especially powerful. Well done.
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Thanks Josh, I always like hearing which lines stand out to other people. I was intrigued by how to make everything he mentioned about the landscape and dangers here remind him of his father, and what kind of opponent his father was to him.
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Love your descriptions here, Joy – you’ve captured the harsh environment so well. The fact that there is nothing at all soft or forgiving there – weather, landscape, fauna – everything can and will hurt or fight you. Such lovely language and rhythm in the visuals too. And you chose a fab image. Great stuff. and have a fabulous holiday! 🙂
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Thanks Lynn, I appreciate that! I had fun with the challenge of describing the land in a way that made sense, but also had the double meaning of describing his father. I originally had a completely different idea for a story and then I found this image of the long shadows and I had to go with this.
And thanks — I’m not sure how I’ll get everything done before I leave on my vacation, but I’m so excited about going!
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safe travels 🙂
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your reply to Josh was what I took away – how oppression can take a long long time to shake off and heal from.
and the way you used the nature metaphors was powerful to connect to “escape from under your legacy”
well done – and their was good counseling material here –
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Yes, and running away doesn’t always help, although perhaps succeeding at other challenges might. I really liked that line too, thanks for mentioning that you noticed it!
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😊👋
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Ohhh making the environment both the protagonist and the antagonist, I like. I like this very much, Joy. The psychic distance you put on this first person narration is skilfully done, no, masterfully done.
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You’re too kind, Kelvin, thank you for the great comment! I find that doing these flash fiction stories is wonderful practice for becoming more skillful at such things, because you have to focus in so closely on a scene and be careful about every single word. Now, hopefully at least some of this practice is trickling down to my longer-form writing — we’ll see!
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I hope so too Joy. You are a great storyteller with a flair for the fantastic.
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Thank you! I’ll try to live up to that!
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👍👍👍
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Beautiful. Reads like poetry.
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Thanks Kurt! I often think of these micro-flash stories as prose poems, trying to get the rhythm and the alliteration and whatnot working well. Harder to do with longer stories, but at this size it can really work.
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