Photo credit: Zengame via Flickr
The great hall echoed with laughter and lutes. Men and women danced in jewel-hued silk robes, wearing elaborate hair-sculptures and hats of every shape.
Raen staggered through the crowd, searching for anyone he recognized, any clue. He screamed: “What happened to you?”
Nobody even noticed him.
Then it shattered, like lake ice cracking beneath him, and he fell back into the silent present. He raced through the now-familiar corridors: endless, empty, exit-less.
Why had he been left behind?
Ahead, a shadow moved. Captor? Monster? Friend? Raen no longer cared. Anything would be better.
With one last hope, he chased it.
Word count: 100. Written for this week’s Friday Fictioneers flash fiction challenge. Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, our intrepid hostess! And thanks to Roger Bultot for providing the original photo prompt, below. Click the FF link to read the other stories written for this challenge, and to write your own — everyone is welcome!
Photo © Roger Bultot
Tales from Eneana 
Time travel?
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A good idea, but I’ve already decided that there’s no such thing as time travel in Eneanatalae (that’s the broader universe where Eneana exists). As often happens, I came up with the story idea first and then had to figure out how it would actually work or be true in Eneana. I have an idea, but since I might write a second part to this, I’m not telling yet. Thanks for reading James!
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Shhh. Mum’s the word.
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Bad dream? Crazy reality? You’ve got me guessing ~ in a good way.
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Those are both closer than James’ idea of time travel. But like I told him, I might expand the story later, so for now, my lips are sealed. Glad you found it interesting!
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VERY!
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I wonder what will happen when he catches it.
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Or if he even does catch it! Who knows, when it comes to shadows? 😉 Thanks for your comment!
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Careful what you wish for! 🙂
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He’s desperate enough to wish for just about anything right now… but he might regret it!
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I hope he is right to chase whatever it is and doesn’t come to regret his haste!
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I’m thinking there might be some regret in his future… 😉 Thanks for reading, Iain!
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it looks like he’s lost in his own nightmare. who would save him from himself?
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Interesting interpretation! I have another story on the back burner about someone who is lost in someone else’s nightmare, and his experience is pretty close to this guy’s. Thanks for the comment!
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Most interesting… and leaving us hanging like that… Good on you.
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I didn’t mean to leave you hanging quite so much, but the story in my head would NOT fit into 100 words. Probably could have done it in 150-200, but boy, 100 is *tight*. So… you might be seeing another flash piece that continues this one. 🙂 Glad you were interested!
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😁
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I like the idea of being pulled from the room all vibrant and full to sudden emptiness.
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It was very dramatic in my imagining, so I’m happy if any of that “special effect” came across on the page. Thanks for the nice comment Ali!
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Perhaps he’s chasing his memories as they escape from his mind. Or maybe not!
Click to read my FriFic tale
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Hmm, you all are coming up with such good ideas. Maybe I’ll use one of yours instead of what I originally had in mind. 🙂 Thanks, Keith!
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Intriguing – I can’t imagine where you’re taking this.
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I’m hoping to continue it, so stay tuned! Thanks for reading, Sandra.
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This reads like a chunk out of the middle of a longer story. So many questions!
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These flash fiction pieces always feel that way to me, a scene that hopefully hints at the rest of the longer story this person is experiencing.
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True. It can’t be completely random though. There has to be a beginning, middle and end.
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People keep saying that, but it seems like most of the stories in these challenges don’t really follow that rule — at least, I don’t see all three parts — but sometimes that can work anyway. Although yes, not just a random snippet.
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I don’t think you need to have a backstory or a conclusive ending, but the reader has to feel satisfied with it as a story, even if there are several options suggested as to where it’s going next and what the background is.
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Dear Joy,
Fascinating. After reading all the comments, I’m still not sure what’s happening here. Sorry about the word limit thing. 😉 Not really. At any rate the scene is engaging and leaves me wanting to know more.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It’s not meant to be clear what’s happening, since Raen still doesn’t know himself — maybe I’ll be able to shed more light on it in a later story. I’m glad you found it engaging, thanks!
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Wow! You left me completely spellbound and intrigued. I want to know what is going to happen!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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I’ll take that as a good sign, thanks Susan!
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Raen has stopped thinking and is just reacting, which is the very state that the victim of a successful confidence trick reaches. Perhaps this whole nightmare is an elaborate deception at his expense? I love the drama of the switch from ballroom to empty corridors.
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Aha, and Penny uses her awesome powers of psychology to guess the closest to the truth so far! (Don’t tell anybody, lol.) I’m glad that switch came off as dramatic; that’s how I was picturing it. Thanks for your great comment!
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This massively intriguing.
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This is massively intriguing I meant to say. 🙂
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Lol – typos are such a pain! Thanks!
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Fascinating story, well written.
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Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!
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You are a master of merging the tangible and intangible. Shall wait for the next edition.
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What a kind thing for you to say, thank you!
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Big questions, hollow and ringing. What precedes it; what follows? I curl my up-jutted thumb into a hovering question mark.
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This story did pose more questions than it answered, that’s for certain. I’m amused by imagining your up-jutted thumb — it might have to hover there a while until I figure out a way to provide more answers!
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Though I intended the up-jutted thumb as a question mark, now I look at it, It’s more an exclamation mark!
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🙂
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I’m wondering how long he’s been wandering (lost between dimensions?). Excellent. I don’t think I’ve read you before. I’ll have to do some catching up. Sounds like a fascinating place.
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Thanks for stopping by, and welcome to Eneana! Yes, I was picturing him being stuck for quite a while, long enough to feel desperate to escape the loop — although it must be hard to tell how much time has actually passed if he keeps skipping between these two weird time periods.
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A mysterious and riveting story. I was drawn in from the beginning and then left to wonder, wanting to read more. My favorite line, “Then it shattered, like lake ice cracking beneath him, and he fell back into the silent present.” =)
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Thank for you such a nice comment! And thank you for pointing out that line — I always like hearing which phrases or ideas resonate with others, and that one in particular was a favorite of mine.
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If you’re shut in endless corridors, I think that these visions will come to you more times than you wish.
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Excellent point. He can’t tell whether what he’s seeing is real anymore, but at this point, what is there to lose by following it anyway? Thanks for reading, Bjorn!
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You should read Borges… I think you would find it inspiring (if you haven’t done it before)
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Thanks for the recommendation. I don’t think I have read any Borges, although I have a terrible memory for such things and often don’t realize I’ve already read a book until I’m well into it. I see a few short story collections of his available online. Is there a particular story that you were thinking of that I should be looking for?
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Longing to know where everyone has gone, how he sees them when they’re not actually there and who or what the shadow is. So many questions and you constructed the story so well. Looking forward to the second part Joy
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Thanks Lynn, glad it piqued your interest! Now I’m feeling a lot of pressure to come up with a great answer for the next installation, eep! 😉
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Ha! A pleasurable pressure let’s hope
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That’s very mysterious, to me it feels as if he’s falling from one nightmare into the next, a loop he has to break. Or a magical mind trap. In any case, it’s great writing, vivid descriptions that draw me right into the scene. And that scene does indeed have a beginning, middle and end.
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Thanks for the great comment — and the most accurate guess. 😉 I’m glad it drew you in, and that you felt like the scene resolved even if it left you with questions.
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