Photo © Marie Gail Stratford
Rulers can be dangerous to love.
They say he married her for her magic. They say he demands too much, giving her no time to recover. They speculate on what disturbing spells she performs, willingly, for her husband.
I’m only a maid. I cannot afford an opinion.
Her hair disintegrates under my gentle comb. I plaster cream on her grey cheeks, administer drops to whiten her eyes.
She is a willow without leaves, a wilted reed, a flower without its petals.
When she collapses, he divorces her.
I don’t believe his new wife loves him. Perhaps that will save her.
Word count: 100. Written for this week’s Friday Fictioneers flash fiction challenge. Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting, and to Marie Gail for providing this week’s photo! Click on the link to read other 100-word stories inspired by this photo, or contribute your own.
Bonus points for anyone who understands the title. ((wink wink))
In real life news, I just got back from another excellent writers conference, and I am so excited about writing, WOO HOO! If you haven’t tried these before, I highly recommend them. This one is small enough that you can get to know people, share experiences, learn from others who are farther along the publishing path, and just generally feel supported. There’s nothing like being in a room full of people dealing with the same frustrations you’ve dealt with, who are still excited about writing.
Oh boy, I know what the title makes ME think of but I don’t know if it was what you were after or not.
The maid POV really rocks this story. I hope the second wife doesn’t love him!
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Thanks, glad you liked it! And hmm, not sure what you’re thinking of, let’s see if anyone else guesses correctly…
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I love the idea that not loving may be what saves her
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Yes, with a husband who just takes and takes like this, her best bet is to have more self-preservation than selflessness. Thanks for reading Neil!
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I liked the PoV too, added a different dimension.
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Thanks Iain! Funny, I didn’t even think that hard about the POV; it just came to me like this.
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Wonderfully told story.
Sad that way too many ‘lovers’ exploit sincere love.
I wonder what will be his fall and if rulers like him can fall in love.
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It’s true, some people are just self-centered narcissists who can’t truly love another — probably rulers more often than others. I hadn’t thought about how he would eventually fall, but given what a jerk I’ve made him out to be, it’s a nice thing to imagine, that it will cause his downfall in the end!
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I wonder at why she wilted so quickly. Was she consumed by the use of too much magic. Perhaps she didn’t have the constitution to cast so much? Too bad for her. Perhaps the new wife won’t cast so much and live longer. Great story as always!
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Aha, almost there with the “constitution” idea! Clearly my readers did not play enough D&D in their formative (or more recent) years, lol… Glad you liked it, Eric!
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With a 14 in Constitution it can be difficult to make a save sometimes. 😉
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Close enough — Eric for the win! Although in this case, it’s actually a CON cost to the spell. Not such a terrible thing, as long as you rest long enough for your CON to recover. But if you keep casting those spells over and over…
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Love your writing here Joy. As others have sad, using the maid’s perspective works so well and your descriptions of the wife’s slow disintegration are at once chilling and beautiful. Really loved it. Glad you enjoyed your conference – filled with writing vim and vigour now?
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Thanks, Lynn, glad you liked it. The POV just organically happened, so I’m glad it worked so well. I was definitely inspired to write something interesting, after talking about writing nonstop for three days!
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Sounds inspiring. All ready to go and fired up for the latest writing challenge? 🙂
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Ugh, I wish — but somehow my whole week has been taken up with other things, and I’ve barely had time to write at all. I haven’t even gone over my notes from the conference to check all my “to do’s”. Hopefully I won’t forget so much that I can’t tell what my notes mean…. Although maybe I’m misunderstanding: do you mean a specific writing challenge?
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Such an interesting story, I loved the phasing
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Thanks, Michael! With such short flash pieces, I have more time to really fine-tune the phrasing. I wish I had that kind of time on my long-form writing.
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The viewpoint of “detached” observer is very interesting and appealing. I think I get the title too!
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Thanks for the nice comment! Would your guess for the title, by any chance, abbreviate a certain word to CON? 😉
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Have to agree with everyone on enjoying the maid’s point of view…
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Glad it worked for you – thanks for the comment, Dale!
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Very grim, the husband is a real “user”. I loved the POV!
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You hit it on the head, Ali. And the first wife was too in love to see it. Glad you enjoyed it!
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Dear Joy,
Count me in on the maid’s POV. I wonder how many other servants through history could echo this story. Those who might say little, see much. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle! Yes indeed: people don’t realize how much their servants observe. I’m getting so many comments on the POV, I should probably think more about that in the future.
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Oh dear. Does D & D refer to Dungeons and Dragons? Never played it, so I’m in the dark 🙂 However, I loved the story. This is a different kind of abuse, no less deadly than any other, crushing the energy, the soul, and the spirit. I like the maid. Sharp cookie 🙂
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Thank you, glad you enjoyed it! I agree, the maid is sharp, and smart enough not to broadcast what she sees and thinks. And yes, I meant Dungeons and Dragons. The idea isn’t unique to that game though: that casting certain spells saps your “constitution” (think, health and vitality) and you have to rest a while to get back up to your healthy self. This was my interpretation of what having a reduced CON score due to repeated casting might look like.
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The tale reminds me how those in power exploited. This was a great read.
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Indeed, power seems to do that to a lot of people, now as well as then. Thanks for reading!
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I like the way you show us her debility, especially “Her hair disintegrates under my gentle comb.” The use of ‘gentle’ is a real writer’s subtlety. Lovely.
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I always love it when readers pick out details like that — thank you so much for the comment! That line was originally much longer, but that’s the great test of the flash challenge: to figure out away to convey that whole big idea in as few words as possible. (Obviously I don’t apply the same challenge to my comments, LOL!)
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🙂
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Such a sad but beautifully told tale. There are so many layers to this, and you lern so much about the three characters in so few words. I love the image of her wilting. So well done!
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I’ve been working on squeezing layers and details into such a short text, so I really appreciate this comment – thank you!
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More than welcome. I loved it!
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At times, love can be dangerous indeed if it is allowed to go unfettered, even among non-magical folk.
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Too true. If it makes you blind to abuse, then love is indeed dangerous! Thanks for reading.
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well, i read a book called selfishness is a virtue. i want to add that it can be a life saver, too.
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Ha ha, I don’t know how virtuous it is, but *not* being overly selfless might save the new wife’s life in this case! Although if she was stupid enough to marry him, seeing what happened to the last wife, maybe not. Everyone thinks that the narcissist/cheater/wife-beater won’t be like that with *them* — and almost all of them are wrong.
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Somewhere in the back on my mind the voice and the wife made me think of “The handmaid’s tale”… not the same, but partly the same vitriol of men…
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Narcissistic patriarchs do share a similar noxious vibe across cultures, I agree. Thanks for the comment, Bjorn!
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Well done, Joy. I liked how you told the story and the observation that if the second wife doesn’t love, she will live.
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Glad you enjoyed it Sascha — thanks for stopping by!
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A lovely descriptive piece, one that evokes sympathy for the wife and kind thoughts for the caring maid. Ageing that quickly can’t be fun. (It’s bad enough ageing slowly!) I’m glad you explained about D&D because I had no idea what the Constitutional Hazard referred to.
Your writers’ conferences sound really good. I’ve never been on one, so perhaps I should think about doing so.
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I’m glad the story made sense to people who didn’t get the D&D reference, which was just a little side joke, really.
The conference was great! It seems to be pretty unusual in its focus on writing skills, while not being a “workshop” setting. I’ve been looking for others to supplement it, especially something that is focused more specifically on fantasy/science fiction/speculative, and most of them are really fan cons — for the readers, less so for the writers, where the sessions are more on themes than on writing skills. Still, they sound like fun, and I’m scheduled for one of those in two weeks.
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I hope you enjoy them all and they prove useful for for writing. I’d love to attend one and be able to talk with other writers. I’ll have to look out for some later in the year.
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The local writing conference really is so supportive and educational, too. If you can find something like that in your area, I would definitely recommend it. The science fiction/fantasy cons, I’m less sure about, in terms of writing. But at least I’ll be watching panel talks and conversing with others who are interested in the same type of books that I like (and that I write). It seems like a good place to meet others who also like to spend all dinner talking about magic systems or world building. 🙂 I know there are conferences specifically for romance writers and mystery writers; I’ll bet there are some for historical fiction, too.
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