Photo credit: Spatz_2011, Flickr (modified)
Rali’s patience paid off. Artaro emerged, slipping into darkened streets. Her nightvision revealed his puffy eyes, quivering lips. He’d taken Dex. Meaning he planned to run tonight.
Rali planned to catch.
Weaving around drunken stragglers, she sought her moment. The Golguri icon was hers. She’d stashed it quickly, before the Guards searched her. Artaro only nabbed it accidentally.
Artaro slithered up a sheer wall. Spider gloves, nice. Rali climbed quick enough to see him run across the rooftops.
She danced over the tiles, cat-quiet. He had youth, but she had practice.
Artaro glanced around nervously. Throwing back another potion, he shivered.
Rali felt the vicarious rush of speed, false invulnerability. Rookie arrogance, over-modding.
Artaro took a risky turn. Steeper slopes, farther apart. He leapt the gaps.
Rali evaluated. Not worth it, even if she lost credit for her heist. Life over reputation: survivor’s creed.
Artaro’s next jump fell short. Flailing, falling, crashing.
She arrived first, grabbed the icon. She left his gold, so it looked like an accident. She took the gloves, though. Retrieval fee.
Word count: 175. Written for this week’s Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers challenge. Thanks for Priceless Joy for hosting, and to Grant-Sud for the original photo prompt, below:
Photo © Grant-Sud
She took the gloves that enabled her to climb like a spider! Great story Joy!
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Glad you enjoyed it, thanks for reading PJ!
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I can really see the scene in my head. Wonderful story!
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Thanks Joshua, I’m glad to hear it worked on that visual level!
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I love the way the story emerged little by little, the action never slowed by description. Brilliantly written!
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Thanks Eric, always happy to hear when it works! It’s tricky, because you need enough description for the reader to picture the scene where the action takes place (and the scene keeps moving in this one, too), but not so much that it slows down the action or dilutes the plot. Although most of the 100+ words I cut were more action, if I remember correctly.
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I note that much of the stuff I cut out from my stories are bits of snarky social commentary. 😉
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I enjoy your snarky social commentary, so I vote for leaving more of it in. 🙂
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Love the pragmatic last line 🙂
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Hey, magical climbing gloves are useful things to have, right? Might as well grab them while she’s there. Thanks for reading, Iain!
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Great take on the prompt, very unique imagery.
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Thanks for stopping by, and for leaving such a nice comment!
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Wooow! It didn’t allow me to look around , even for a moment. You are the wizard of words ( and imagination) Joy !🙂
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How sweet of you to say, thank you!
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Great word picture.
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Thank you!
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Ha! “Retrieval Fee”—made me chuckle.
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Glad to give you a little laugh — thanks for reading!
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You’ve created an exciting and fast-moving scene here, Joy. The ending is great and I love the touch about her taking the gloves and leaving the gold. Very well written.
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Thanks Millie, glad you liked it! I think I cut a bit too much out, though, because nobody seems to have focused on my favorite part. My original idea was exploring how these “magic potions” from various games (+2 Dexterity or +2 Intelligence, etc.) would actually play out if they were real — that it would be a real rush, a shock to the system, to suddenly have greatly improved dexterity and speed. I’d think it would make you feel falsely invulnerable, like certain real-life drugs do. and lead you (especially if you were a rookie and unused to it) to take foolish risks, like trying to jump too far.
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Very neat heist story. She is smart and her experience puts her on the right path. Let him do the dirty work, do the stupid things, and she’ll collect the prize and his cool gloves 🙂
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Well, what I meant to convey was that he’d stolen her prize (from her heist) from her, and she was getting it back rather than let him get credit for it. But hey, if it worked for you, I’m happy with any interpretation. 🙂 Thanks for reading, Amanda!
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Oh I see. Yes I get it now. Either way it works 🙂
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