Sweet Old Cart

~ Traditional Pyanni bards song

abandoned-horse-cart-flickr-vinoth-chandar-4387215052

Photo credit: Vinoth Chandar



You drove it to my homeland
It carried me away
Nothing could shine brighter
Than it did that happy day
We rode it hard
We wore it down
‘Til every part was broke

‘Twas a pretty little cart
A sweet old cart
But now that cart won’t go

We tinkered and we tended
Patched it up so many times
But layers of paint, like salty tears
Can’t cover up the grime
The wheels are crook’d
The shafts are cracked
I think that we both know

‘Twas a pretty little cart
A sweet old cart
But now that cart won’t go



Word count: 100. Whew!  It’s especially tricky to get the word count to work with a rhyming song or poem.  Written for this week’s Friday Fictioneers challenge.  Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting, and to Alistair Forbes for providing the original photo, below.  It’s a photo she’s used before, but I couldn’t think of anything to write for it last time, so I appreciate the second chance.

ffal_forbes

Photo © Al Forbes

I’m working on a third verse, that makes it clearer that she’s not just talking about the cart breaking down, but obviously that will take it over the challenge word limit!

Update: Here’s a third verse.  I might change a word or two here or there, but you get the idea.

As a rule, I’m not a fool
To fall for a handsome cart
But its gaudy tines and jaunty lines
Excited my young heart
As the color faded
I grew jaded
A lamp that lost its glow

‘Twas a pretty little cart
I loved that cart
But now I have to go



 

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22 thoughts on “Sweet Old Cart

  1. Bravo! Poetry that doesn’t make my brain hurt. I loved it.
    I wasn’t going to read it because it seemed like the wrong prompt photo but then couldn’t help myself and then saw you linked the photo below. Tricky of you 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glad I effectively tricked you, Dale! 😉 Actually, I do that all the time. The vast majority of photos used for challenge prompts have something modern in them that won’t work for Eneana, so I limit myself to challenges where the hosts are kind and flexible about me using my own photo for the top and putting the real prompt photo at the end.

      Liked by 1 person

    • It is tricky, isn’t it! Somehow it helps if I think of it as a song, rather than poetry, although having the chorus actually makes it worse. I just got lucky with the word count; it came out just over 100 and I was able to pare away a few prepositions. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • I was thinking of the kind of song a bard sings while perched on a stool in the corner of the inn’s common room, hoping some travelers would give her a bit of coin. But you could definitely sing it while traveling too!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Fantastic poetry. I certainly didn’t need the third verse to see the correlation between the cart and the man. I knew what she was talking about but I don’t think the third verse harms it or is over kill. It all works very effcetively

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the feedback Michael, I’m glad that came across. I keep itching to tinker with that last verse, but then other tasks intervene, and maybe it doesn’t need fixing after all. 🙂

      Like

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