Photo credit: Andrew Bunday
A crash woke me. Alone. I bolted up. Tomil knew better than to wander off. I shouted for him. No response. Half-asleep, panicking, I went in search.
I was immediately lost.
Yesterday we’d wandered this ancient temple for hours. All corridors. No rooms. No stairways. No exits.
Around a corner, a basin appeared. An image shimmered deep within: Tomil, falling, flailing. Needing me.
I grabbed for my husband. My hand thrust deeper than the basin could possibly be. Oily liquid sucked me in. I couldn’t even struggle. I fell.
Far off, I heard a crash. Then Tomil, calling my name.
Word count: 100. Written for TWO challenges. First, for this week’s Friday Fictioneers challenge. Thanks as always to our wonderful fairy blogmother Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting! See the original photo prompt below (thanks Amy!), and click here to read the other stories written for this prompt. Second, for Sammi Cox’s Month of Mini Writing Challenges, Day 19 – “It’s night. You’re asleep. You hear a loud crash close by. What happens next? Tell us in less than 100 words.”
Happy writing, everyone!
Photo © Amy Reese
Tales from Eneana 
Great story Joy! Suspenseful.
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Thanks Jade — glad to hear that came through well, that’s what I was trying for!
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Lovely story Joy. Is it a dream? Is it real? Will she get her husband back or fall into the basin with him? Great tension in the build up and left us wanting more 🙂
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My idea is that it’s real — she was lured in, fooled that he was gone, and now he’ll be lured in. They messed with the wrong ancient temple, seems like. Now, where they end up next… that’s another question entirely! 😉
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Could be anywhere! And who has lured them, for what purpose? So mysterious and full of possibilities – lovely tale, Joy
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I have to be more careful with these flash pieces. I seem to have inadvertently begun about a hundred novels so far… 😉
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Haha! Yes, I know exactly what you mean. You’re left thinking, ‘well, that could be a good start to a story’ half the set up already in the back of your head. Not enough hours in the day 🙂
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And then I file it away and forget about it… At least these days I’m deliberately trying to see if new flash fiction pieces might be able to reference characters I’ve created in past ones. Doesn’t always work, but I’m halfway through another flash for Sammi’s challenge that uses a prior character.
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I’ve tried to do that a few times too, though I always seem to come up with different characters and ideas for new prompts. Sammi’s challenge looks like it;s been great
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Thought as much, an illusion that leads her astray.
Great story Joy.
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Thanks!
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Very atmospheric. I love how the suspense builds right to the end, when she realises that she has been duped. Loved it 🙂
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Thanks Sammi! I don’t feel like I’m very good at suspense, so I’ve been trying to practice more — since I am, after all, writing a novel about a haunted house. I’m glad to hear it seems to be working!
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Very Suspenseful, which always amazes me when limited to so few words. Nicely done 🙂
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Thank you, I’m so happy to hear that my attempt at suspense worked!
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I love the mystery in this. Very well done, Joy.
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Thank you! I love that the mystery came across. This is a very creepy temple they’ve found themselves in….
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Gripping story, first wondering where Tomil went, and then the oil like basin pulling her in, as her husband Tomil calls for her. I’m curious to know what the basin does to her, does she die?
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Thanks Amanda, glad you enjoyed it! As far as where exactly they went, well…. I’ll say they didn’t die, but I won’t say more. Possibly because I haven’t worked out every detail yet, haha! But I will say: they aren’t the first ones to run across this particular temple, or to fall prey to that basin…
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Oh neat. More stories to come then on the basin. I wonder where they go if no dead? Looking forward to see what you write 🙂
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Hm, I wonder too. 😉
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Nothing good ever came from wandering around in ancient temples. Nice piece!
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Good point, Ali, it’s a dangerous plan for an afternoon, that’s for sure. Thanks for reading!
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I can see the similarities (and differences) between our two stories, yours is very much real in the sense the sense of that pool in the center.
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Ah, but what is real exactly? (She says in her best spoooooky voice.) Real in the sense that it’s not a dream, but clearly it’s hard for these two to tell what’s really happening.
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Oooooo mysterious! Where will they end up I wonder. Great sense of tension
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Thanks Laurie! And hm, I wonder too… Maybe I’ll find out in another flash fiction story. 😉
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Oh, great suspense, it works very well. It also has that dreamy, spooky atmosphere where you find yourself trapped in a loop of being sucked in, waking up, being sucked in again. Fun!
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Thanks Gabi – dreamy and spooky was just how I was picturing it!
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Intriguing, what happens next?
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Hm, good question… Thanks for commenting; always happy to catch a new reader’s eye!
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My guess is she shouldn’t look at the light
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Good instinct — but too late for her, I’m afraid. 🙂
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