Chink in His Armor

“Oh the general was huge, and the general was fierce, and he held half the world in his hand.  He growled like a tiger and he clawed like a bear, but he was, after all, just a man.” — from The Waiting Woman, an old Layoran song

photo dharma.031 - Copy

Photo credit: Photo Dharma (modified)

He crowed over yet another bloody battlefield, shining in gold-plated scales, brilliantly coruscant in the sun.

Why negotiate when he could force?

He removed his scales to force a local girl.

And learned that she had not come to negotiate either.

Laid out for burial, his armor failed to deflect even rain.

Submitted for this week’s Shapeshifting 13 #52 Kickoff, from Grammar Ghoul Press.  The challenge was to write a story in exactly 52 words using the words “force” and “coruscant,” in honor of today being Star Wars Day.  May the Fourth be with you!

GG shapeshifting 13

For the record, although I usually create the “traditional sayings” I begin some stories with on the spot, “The Waiting Woman” is an actual song that I’ve written, that I based this story on.  I’m not sure which general it’s about yet, which is one reason I didn’t name names in this flash piece.

UPDATE: Hooray, I got first place!

GGP S52 winner.JPG


UPDATE 2: I’ve posted the full lyrics to the song quoted at the beginning of this post: The Waiting Woman.


22 thoughts on “Chink in His Armor

    • Thanks Lynn! Well, in real life, these nasty war leaders often *don’t* get what’s coming to them. That’s why I like a good satisfying story of karmic retribution. Or just plain old vengeance gone right. I’m glad the song comes across well. It’s hard for me to tell how the lyrics read by themselves, since I hear the song being sung when I read them.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Very clever of you, being able to write the songs too! Reads well to me. And yes, you’re right – we have to give the bad guys a bit of a comeuppance in our stories as so many die as old men in their beds in real life.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I was writing songs before I was writing stories, although unlike my stories, I still haven’t figured out “what to do” with the songs. Other than sing them to friends. Now I’m trying to write songs that are appropriate to Eneana, which is a bit harder. I have three so far, including this one. The song I was talking about writing this past week (that I still can’t get out of my head, grr) is a modern/real world one, though.


  1. There’s a timelessness about that Layoran song. I love how you weave songs and create a history and make it all sound real. That last line, pregnant with the sense of ironic retribution, was totally killer!
    (And in an odd way, I am reminded of Dune, but I don’t quite know why.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! It’s all starting to feel real to me, after all this time “living” in Eneana. That helps. Now I’m thinking I should post the lyrics for the whole song. I keep thinking I’ll make a better recording of it and post that along with the lyrics, but that might not happen for a while.

      I have no idea why this reminded you of Dune. That’s always so fascinating, what happens when my words meet other people’s minds.

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome! And I don’t know why it reminded me of Dune, especially, since it’s NOT like Dune. 🙂 Sometimes words give a feeling that have nothing to do with their content or meaning. Perhaps, that’s what I felt.
        I like how you put it in your last sentence above.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Shapeshifting Winners of #52 – Grammar Ghoul Press

    • Thanks! I think this is the first time I’ve won one of GG’s Shapeshifters (the super short ones). 52 words is the longest they get, and boy, it’s hard for me to even get down to that word count!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Millie! Yes, the general definitely deserved such an ignominious end. Although once you see the full lyrics to the song, it’s clear that many people would have wished it to happen much sooner.


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